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Considering safe sex as a trans individual…
I work full time as a sexual health educator, and I frequently feel some hypocrisy in what I teach as I don’t remember the last time I had safe sex. It’s not that I don’t worry about my health and safety or my partner’s health and safety, it’s just that the safe sex options out there are limiting for my sexual behavior and sometime deny my gender identity.
When it comes to oral sex, the most obvious barrier method for transmen would be a dental dam. This offers protection during the fun — however, dental dams are marketed to provide protection when performing oral sex on a woman. What man/transman wants his partner to use a dental dam for his junk? I don’t, that’s for sure. Here’s the alternative: cut a non-lubricated male (external) condom up the side so it opens up to a sheet of latex similar to a dental dam. It offers the same protection, but you’re using a male condom. You’re staying safe, while maintaining your male identity.
Unfortunately, there is at least one sexual behavior out there that doesn’t have a possible barrier method to be used. Transmen having penile-vaginal sex without a toy. (When the clitoris [I prefer ‘penis’] enlarges due to testosterone, and swells even more because of arousal, penetrative PV sex can occur). An external condom is too big for your junk and a dental dam would slide around during thrusting. Suggestion? Make sure you and your partner are tested and know your status. This may not be a sexual behavior that you and your partner can engage in and stay healthy.
For transwomen on the giving end of penetrative sex. You may not want to use a male condom… because they’re marketed and designed for men. I can’t blame you. I wouldn’t want to use one either. Here’s a suggestion to stay safe while maintaining your female identity (though it isn’t full proof depending on the identity of your partner). Have him/her/their use a female, or internal, condom. Same dilemma as above, it’s traditionally marketed for women, so if you have a male partner it may be difficult. But talk to your partner, about how you want to be safe but don’t feel comfortable wearing a male condom, and maybe he’ll be willing to use a female/internal condom. You can remove the ring on the inside of the condom for anal sex, but keep it in for vaginal sex.
This isn’t an exhaustive list of sexual behaviors or dilemmas for trans individuals wanting to engage in safe sex, but it’s a start. Barriers in general aren’t very conducive to sex/gender divide. The names of the barriers imply men have to have penises, only and women have to have vaginas, only. Changing male condoms to external condoms and female condoms to internal condoms may help to alleviate some of the identity-denying that occurs with barrier methods.
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sliker816 posted this
